road to becoming parents
my journey
I woke up today feeling really nervous. I grabbed my phone to see what time it was, and saw this first thing... I have the best friends anyone could ask for!
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Excited, but nervous, excited, but nervous ... hence the awkward look on my face . Also, it's starting to get routine that it takes 2 different nurses to get my blood and after 3-4 different tries before we get any blood. Thanks veins, because this is super fun. Today was the pregnancy test and Carl and I (and our families) were so anxious at the outcome, we were a bundle of nerves all day until we knew the result. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR THE PRAYERS & SUPPORT because the results were .... PREGNANT !!!!!! However, I want to go more in depth about the results. Carl, Jaymie and I went to Bennett Fertility around 11:30 for the blood test. They had difficulty getting blood (just like the last 3 appointments where it's taken 4x or more to get anything from my veins), and the nurse explained to me exactly what they were looking for when the results came in. Obviously, the first thing was to see if the test was negative or positive, which mine was positive so that's a step in the right direction. Next, they look for your HCG level to be around a 50 or higher .They said if the number is below 50, it still means you're pregnant, however they have you come back in two days later for a re-test to see if that number is getting higher or lower. If the number is higher on that second day, that's what they want to see, meaning my pregnancy is starting out really well. If the number is lower on Wednesday than it is today, that would clinically be a miscarriage, however the definition of "miscarriage" applies only once a heartbeat has been detected, so the proper terminology would be something else (but it's equivalent to a miscarriage). When the nurse called Carl she said that "congratulations it was a positive so Nicky is clinically pregnant, however her number is a 30.9 so we will need to see her again on Wednesday." She said it wasn't too bad and there was nothing to be concerned about that she could foresee and that we could be cautiously optimistic until Wednesday, at which point it's okay to get excited!
So it's awkward right now because 75% of me is PUMPED! I'm so excited and in shock at the words "you are pregnant Nicky." I have wanted this for so long and was overjoyed when Carl told me. However, the other part of me is scared to allow myself to get excited yet. I don't feel like I'm in the clear until after Wednesday. I know there are risks of miscarriage, but this appt. Wednesday needs to show higher numbers for it to conclude a 100% pregnancy. I'm a mix of emotions right now. Excited, scared, excited, nervous, excited, anxious, etc. Ahhhhhhh this whole process is so challenging on your mind and emotions. You don't know how to feel. I don't have any other news to report until Wednesday. For now, I continue the progesterone shots, no baths, drinking a lot of water, not walking too much, no exercise and not stressing. Went in last Saturday (Feb. 7th) for my IVF transfer. This was the most important day of our life as a couple and we were super excited!
While we were sitting in the waiting room, who walked through the door? Abbey and her mom! I was so overwhelmed at their generosity that I cried. I truly feel like that family cares about me and I couldn't feel more loved. How did I get so lucky as to have them in my life? They are a one in a million family and I love them dearly! As we were called back, the nurse gave us a picture of the two embryos they were transferring that morning, both were a grade C. I was hysterical. I started crying so much as I was devastated. Carl held my hand and was supportive (as always), and the nurse tried calming me down by explaining that a C grade was normal and perfectly okay. She said most their patients have C's implanted. I felt like she was trying to cheer me up so I wasn't believing her. Then I asked if any other eggs were good enough to freeze, at which point she said "not at this point." The remaining 7 embryos were graded D and to freeze they must be at least a C. I lost it at that point. However, the nurse said they will look at them again in 24 hours and that's when they make the final grading decision. As they took me back to the recovery room to change into a gown and get ready, we passed my favorite nurse Beverly who noticed I was upset and stopped Carl to talk with him which I thought was sweet and showed she cared. I was so visibly upset that the nurses got Dr. Reshef to come calm me down. He said that A & B embryos are not very common and mentioned there is no evidence to suggest a higher pregnancy rate based off the embryo rating. We are just as likely to get pregnant with a C as we are with an A. He has always been honest, even when news isn't what you want to hear, so I started to feel better. Plus, Carl reminded me I was dumping a lot of negative feelings and hormones into my body by being upset, which wasn't the environment I wanted my embryos implanted into. Here it comes...the classic Nicky laugh-cry! They gave Carl scrubs that were too small so he was making jokes and being ridiculous :) By the time they took me back to the OR, mentally I was in a good place! The procedure took no more than 5 minutes and was not painful. Dr. Reshef explained to me exactly what he was doing the whole time so I felt comfortable during the process. Afterwards I laid for an hour with my legs bent before they would release me. I was on strict bedrest the first 24 hours (only getting up to use the restroom) and then the next 24 hours I could sit up (hallelujah)! It worked great because the transfer was on Saturday so come Monday, I was okay to walk around me house and stuff and Carl could work without having to get everything for me. I must brag about my husband. The last 3 weeks, he has been waiting on me hand and foot. He's doing EVERYTHING. If I start getting up for something, he stops me and gets it for me. He's so protective and caring, he's just been the best partner during this journey. From rubbing my achey muscles, to cooking breakfast lunch and dinner every single day, doing all the laundry, dishes, vacuuming and much more...I just can't explain enough how much he's done for me and I'm truly lucky to have the best husband on earth. I life that man so much. The next morning the clinic called and said two embryos had upgraded overnight to a C grade so they'd be freezing them both!!! I was ecstatic I couldn't believe it. This was the perfect start to my day! This is such a financial relief! If this first ivf round doesn't work, now we're looking at $3,000 - $5,000 to try again rather than another $15,000!! All smiles here :) On the 10th I went in for my progesterone test, which came back perfect (32.9)! In the days following the retrieval I have been slightly constipated and possibly overstimulated a little. My stomach got pretty swollen and I had gained weight. I've had to drink Gatorade for the sodium and limit my walking until I'm back to normal. The progesterone shots have started hurting pretty bad. Sometimes we hit a nerve and that's not pleasant I can tell you that. Each time Carl pokes me I jolt a little. I dread the shots every night and my muscles have started getting pretty sore. They gave me some numbing spray to try so I'm hoping that will help. The last few nights I iced the area beforehand which did seem to help. Man, these shots are tough. I think this has been the hardest part of this whole process. The injection hurts, the medicine going in hurts, the needle coming out hurts, and the muscles it's being injected into hurts. Fun. It's all worth it, but ouch. Monday night Carl's parents and nieces came over to spend time with me! I've been stuck at home and missing company so Jaymie cooked dinner and we spent the evening together...it was just what I needed. They're so sweet to think of me and I love that family so much!! Jaymie checks on me every day which has meant the world to me. Only a few more days until the pregnancy test I can't believe it!!! Staying calm and relaxed until then. Kristy and Grandma came to see me Wednesday and spent the day doing nothing with me. I was so happy they came and just kept me company at home. Love them so much and couldn't have been happier to see them both! Oh, then Mom sent us the sweetest card and $50 check today!! Which, the numbing prescription is exactly $50 so she paid for that essentially. Seeing that in the mail was the perfect end to the day. The egg retrieval went well, they retrieved 12 eggs total (double what they expected)!!! Carl, Jaymie and Dad were all there to support me :) I felt nervous but not anxious so this was the first time I skipped on the anti-anxiety medicine they administer via IV! Brave I know! I was the only retrieval that day which was nice because the nurses gave me their full attention and I didn't feel like they were rushing.
-Tuesday: 8 eggs that showed signs of fertilization, 4 that did not. -Wednesday: They were looking for cell division of 2-4 and we had 7 eggs that divided 4 times, 2 that divided 5 times and they discarded 3 eggs. -Thursday: They were looking for cell division of 6-8 and we had 7 that had divided 8 times and the other 2 had divided 7 times. *Friday they didn't call because they said there would have been too many duplications/cells to count.
Blog post dated (2-1-15) I haven't posted for a while because I've been sleeping constantly (oops). I've been feeling exhausted this last week and talked to my doctor who said that's completely normal at this stage of the process. I've been napping almost everyday and still feel tired. Due to all the medications I'm on, my body is working overtime so it's normal to feel tired. Today my mood is great! Idk why I'm in such a happy positive mood, but I am, and I'll take it! Today was another appointment for an ultrasound & blood work. The ultrasound was to measure the lining of my uterus to make sure it's thinning and to ensure no cysts have developed on my ovaries. Both looked good! Next I had blood drawn to check my estrogen level to make sure it wasn't too high due to the Lupron injections I've been taking. That also looked good!
Next step: Saturday I continue to the Lupron shots, and add Follistem shots and Menapur shots so I'll be taking 3 per day. Ouch. This will continue for approximately 1 1/2 weeks. Next week I'll go have an ultrasound and blood work done on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Monday (this may change) to ensure all the injections are doing what they're intended to and none of my levels are too high or too low. If all looks well, we're on track to have the egg retrieval on February 2nd woo hoo! Can't believe it's so close! Carl's doing awesome still with keeping track of the medicines and giving them to me :) I've been getting migraine type headaches every afternoon and talked to Dr. Reshef about them today. He said that's normal and they should get better once I start the Follistem. Fingers crossed because they are debilitating. I can't even keep my eyes open at times because the pain is so bad so I'll lay in bed with the blinds closed and make it as dark as possible. Oh well, I can handle it - not much longer thank goodness. I've also had no caffeine which I'm sure is contributing to my headaches but today they said u can have one to two 8 ounce cups of caffeine a day! THANK YOU JESUS! Music to my ears. After we left the appointment, I immediately got a sweet tea and it was magical! Anyway...during this IVF process, I've also been weaning myself off my anxiety medication. I've been taking this medicine for 5+ years so getting off in the past was nearly impossible for me. Each time I've tried to stop, my panic attacks increased dramatically, leading me to go back to the normal dosage. However, I can't take this while being pregnant so I have no option but to taper myself off. Surprisingly, this time has been a breeze. At times I'll feel cranky and uptight, but 95% of the time I feel okay! However, the change in serotonin in my body can also lead to headaches. All these factor together and explain why I've been feeling like I've been hit on the head with a hammer. I'm proud of myself though because I never thought I'd be able to get off my anxiety medicine successfully and as of this moment, I'm on the right track so that's exciting!!! I believe that's all the stuff that's been happening lately, I'll post more as more develops! *Mom and Lisa both donated $200 to our GoFundMe which I used to pay the $400 anesthesia bill today! I feel so blessed every time someone donates :) love love love
So naturally I would catch a cold in the midst of my IVF process. I started feeling crappy Friday and tried waiting until Monday to be seen so I could call Dr. Reshef & inquire about taking any antibiotics but Sunday was too BAD. I went to an urgent care and there was a line out the door! Carl saw online a new urgent care in Moore so I went there and nobody was there! Score! Guess nobody knows about it yet? Anyway, the doctor said I had a cold and both an outer an inner ear infection in my left ear. The ear pain was excruciating - like I was on a plane and my ear wouldn't pressurize. (Gotta love my left eustation tube that doesn't drain properly - dealt with this my whole life.) I decided to hold off on taking any of the antibiotics until the following day when I could ok it w/my fertility doctor first. I was NOT going to screw my process up! I asked if the doctor at urgent care if they could give me a steroid shot to help reduce the inflammation in my ear ONLY IF it would be out of my system by the end of the week (because I would be starting my Lupron shots.) She said they had "Decca 4-8" (4 days or 8 days) and they'd give me the 4 day dosage. Great! Nurse comes in, administers the shot, and I wait. Doctor comes back in to tell me that the nurse gave me the incorrect dosage and the steroid would now be in my system for 8 days, overlapping when I'm scheduled to start my Lupron shots. Are you kidding me? I was pissssssed. There's no way I could wait 24 hours to talk to my fertility doctor and see if I had ruined my entire schedule because of this. I was stressing out! I literally cried I was so frustrated. I know people make mistakes, but a nurse administering the wrong dosage to someone??? Carl called Dr. Reshef and THANK GOD he said I was still fine to start my Lupron shots and this wouldn't mess it up, plus, I could take any antibiotic needed to cure the ear infection. After 4 days of medications, my ear was not any better so I visited my primary care doctor who told me my ear drum had ruptured and I now have a hole in my eardrum. She gave me an additional antibiotic and told me to come back in 2 weeks to ensure the hole had healed itself. This explains why the ear drops were hurting so bad.
I had my ultrasound this week to check for ovarian cysts (possibly caused from the birth control pills), and to learn how to properly administer my shots. Appointment went well and I start my Lupron shots Monday the 12th. I'm nervous. But, it's all worth it in the long run, I just telling myself that, and it will be. I haven't even blogged about the ordering of the medications that's been a nightmare. Carl has taken care of it all! He's been so wonderful and patient, I couldn't be going through this process with anyone better. Love that guy!
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